Nothing to see here, please disburse

Originally, I was taken aback (as opposed to being taken OUTback and shot or taken aside and lectured. . . but anyway) by the invite from Brother Seko to post here, but when I thought about it more. . . it just made sense. I've learned a *few* things in my 37 trips around the sun (today is my Worthday - more on that below) the following is a post I wrote last year on the DJ website I hangout at all the time(my wife calls it the "culty" website - http://discjockeyamericaradio.com )and since my well is tapped dry right now, I'll repost it here. A few notes for those who don't know - Mark is Mark Ferrell, a former full-time DJ and now a DJ industry advocate who believes that Talented, Professional DJs should get paid for the work they do, not just for pushing buttons during the 4 hours of a party. Check out the website for more info.


My wife is always yelling at me for one reason or another. This is not to impugn that she's a shrew - more that we're in a three-level townhouse and generally I'm hanging out in the bottom level since my music room, with all my DJ equipment, is down there as well as cable, X-Box and my *cough* "theraputic videos". My daughter Eva feels its her duty to assist my wife in all things, so when Sherri yells "WAAALLLLTT!", Eva tries to yell with her. Since she couldn't say my name when she was first learning how to talk, she would yell out "DAAAA-T"(sounds like "dot").

I say this because my birthday was decent this year - no dancing girls, midgets, moose hoofprints or chocolate pudding. . . I figure I'll wait till I hit the big 4-0 for all of that. This year is was just hanging out with my wife and my cousin for some adult quality time. We left Eva with her grandma and she asked a rather cogent question as she was going to bed: "How can it be Da-T's birthday if there's no cake?"

Eva, who turned three last week, had two birthday parties on her special day - one at school for her school friends and another at home for immediate family. At both of these functions she had cake so of course you MUST have cake for it to be a birthday party. Because of that, my wife, in her infinite wisdom, just surprised us both with a birthday cake, replete with candles spelling out the number 36 so that Eva could know that Da-t did in fact have a birthday and, that we were only waiting for her, so that we could all have cake together.

I am *so* blessed to have them both in my life. New Years Eve is a time of reflection for many folks and I'm no exception. I don't often give thanks for the many blessings I've been given in life. I'm in good health and I'm reasonably intelligent and articulate. I may not be wealthy, but I've never known what its like to have to choose between paying rent and buying food (thanks Mom & Dad). I've got a loving wife and a beautiful daughter and I'm able to do something I love doing and get paid to do it.


Thanks again, Mark, for being an advocate of Getting What You're Worth. Its a dirty job and its unpaid and, like most true leaders in a field, you're fighting against detractors who, speaking from their own fear, say it can't be done until someone does it and then they say "Oh, I knew all along it could be done!" or "Of Course! It was the right thing to do" A great sage once said "Do or do not. . . There is no try!" Mark, your message is directly responsible for my deciding to use the bathroom or get off the pot. I'm looking forward to this time next year when I can honestly say I was a $400 bottom-feeding-weekend-warrioring-pushing-play DJ who didn't realize his worth.

I'm looking forward to this time next year when I can honestly say I fought not only inertia but my own fears - fear of success, fear of the unknown and fear that, quite frankly, I suck and really am not worth more than what I've been charging. I'm looking forward to this time next year when I can honestly say I practiced every day on my vocal techniques and breathing and relaxing in front of crowds. I'm looking forward to this time next year when I can honestly say I joined Toastmasters to improve my performance and the local Chamber of Commerce to improve my bottom line. Thanks again, Mark, Peter, Jon, Jim et. al. for showing me and other DJs that the light at the end of the tunnel is not necessarily an oncoming train.

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We are one....

Today we had a PJday. We remained in the home and the kids and the Wifey never left their pajamas. I left the home only to turn in some paperwork at one of my side hustles, and also to buy some food from Choice Pizza & Subs in Virginia Beach. We stayed in the whole day and played, watched t.v., ate together, and had family time. During dinner I turned off the television and picked up a newspaper article that asked the question "What do you know about Kwanzaa ?"

I've been celebrating Kwanzaa for over 30 years. While in Columbus, Ohio my pops/mum sponsored Dr. Karenga and his equally radical wife to stay with us as he did a three day cultural event for my pops' church Advent United Church of Christ. My Father (aided by my Mum) built this church from a few follks in my parent's living room. We had been celebrating our Kwanzaa for about seven years when Karenga came. He was a bit much for me then, as I really wanted just to fit in and Columbus Ohio in the 1980's was still a little scared of Kwanzaa. Each day during Kwanzaa in the 80's a group of Afrika-loving folk would gather together in homes, community centers, churches and in parks (t'was really cold in the parks) and revel in our ancestral love. (Circa 1977 - 1986) I loved these celebrations as people got together and pot-lucked, listened to story tellers, danced to African Drums from Tony West and The Imani Dancers, partied with a D.J. who threw-down, and the ladies were so hot !

Today will be my children's 7th and 6th Kwanzaa respectively. Kwanzaa is just something our family does, my parents have a well attended family Kwanzaa celebration every year and my daughter previously danced with a group (http://www.suwabiafricanballet.com/) named Suwabi Afrikan Ballet. I have also coordinated a long standing Kwanzaa celebration for the Imani Foundation (http://www.imanifoundation.com/) for about nine yars (tomorrow will be the 19th annual event for Imani Foundation which is 12 years old...we were members of Uhuruu African American Cultural for seven years and ran our program under that moniker). This year I declined to coordinate the event, and I will resign my position as the President of The Imani Foundation on 12/27/2008. Normally on 12/26 we are at somebodies public event. This year we stayed home, as Kwanzaa should stay at home, as it was intended. Karenga and the U.S. organization (Karenga did develop the celebration with other people) designed public Kwanzaa events as events to teach non-practitioners how to celebrate Kwanzaa.

At the close of tonight's dinner I asked my kids (to innitiate our Kwanzaa celebration) "What do you know about Kwanzaa ?" My daughter stated "The Red is for STRUGGLE, the Black is for PEOPLE, the Green is for HOPE." That's not completely the descriptions that the U.S. organization provided, yet that is what I have chosen to teach my kids. I didn't diverge from the truth, I removed some terms that may separate us from our peers. My wife greeted them with "Habri Gani" and my son said "Que Paso" (a loose translation into soulful-spanish). Then he and my daughter both said Umoja. Umoja being the principle of today prompted the question "What is Unity ?" My Son-sun answered that Unity is everything being stuck together and becoming like one. He then explained how the entire world is connected by touching. He said "The chair is touching the floor that's touching the wall that's touching the piano, that's touching the wall that's touching the painting. Everything in the world is touching something and we are all connected. As I searched for the exception to his rule I couldn't find one on a non-sub-atomic level. We are all touching each other in some way. We are all touched and effected by tragedies, and we are all touched by the breath of life. We are all touched by STRUGGLES. We are all touched by other PEOPLE. We are all touched by seeing others operate in HOPE. I don't celebrate Ramadan but I've been touched by the words and actions of the Honorable Minister Louis Farrakhan. I'm not Jewish, maybe I'm Hebrew (I'm sure some are not gonna' understand that), but I've been touched by my beloved friends of Temple Beth El who are Biblical Jews (Israelistes) as opposed to Rabbinical Jews. I'm constantly touched by Donnie D. who hosts "The Big Idea" on CNBC (One of my favorite shows and stations). As a child, every Chanaunach in New York (1968 - 1976) was spent with my parent's dear friends the Gluckmans (Rabbi Emeritus Donald N. Gluckman and family) who allowed me to get drunk on wine as a two year old at one of their celebrations when all the adults failed to notice that a little boy was drinking after everyone. I'm a Conscious-Christian and I've been touched by Christian people and groups who terrorized my family/ancestors with "Accept Christ or die" and the Trail of Tears, and the Klu Klux Klan (yes, they were a Christian group) as well as being loved, touched by, and prayed for by Christian absolute strangers who saw a frown on my face as I struggled with something in life.

I never could think of anything to debunk my son's theory. As I considered the origins of mankind I began singing a Frankie Beverly and Maze tune..... "We are one." My sons' simple observation was truly profound. We are one. May we remain one. May we exemplify oneness. One love yall'.

Big Daddy Sean

I am very blessed with a new wife and whne we came back from honeymoon, she was and in the Motherly way.

I feel, we are very blessed indeed. I'm at my first proper Christmass in the UK.

Carribean Christmas music. People dancing and handing out presents. I should mention that the Turkey was the biggest one I have ever seemn at the table. A single drumstick was enough to feed 3 people.

I feel happy surounded by my new family, but there's nothing Like a room full of Varners. I miss and love you all.



This is my first daddy blog.

Carol and I got the first sonogram two or three weeks ago. I think she's approaching week 14 or 15. The baby was moving around and dancing during the sonogram. The specialist was amazed at the verve or zeal with which Baby was moving.

Personally, I was quite sure that Baby was mildy irritated at the sonogram and was trying to shake it off, but that's just my take on the situation.:-)

I started working at Sony a few weeks ago. (It's the HQ for Sony in Europe.) Let's me just say that there are PS3s in the lobby and there are free games aplenty.

I'm looking forward to raising my own child and am proud ot have Carol at my side.

Mryy X-mass and Happy New Year

Shoulders...

He used to fit on my shoulder. Seven years later, he still finds solace on my shoulder. Today Akin (Baldwin-Akin) suffered from pink-eye. From time to time he cried from the pain as his bloodshot eyes ran full of green mucous and tears. He stayed upon my shoulder a lot today.

He awoke at 4:00 AM and found me typing on the computer as I was suffering from a nasal infection. We watched "Dungeons & Dragons", "King Kong", and other classic sci-fi cartoons between his tears. He complained of a pain in his right eye, nose and general head area. I gave him some pain reliever and cleaned his eye from a crust and a semi-green gook that seemed to be building up. I shared with Wifey my belief that he had pink-eye and I fell asleep allowing him to "play on the computer" visiting Teen Titan and other cartoon websites that the content-control allowed him to peruse around 6:40 AM. I awoke at 7:40 and we went to 8:45-church. Leaving service at 11:00 AM his eye was beginning to become reddened and his complaints of pain returned. We ate, and visited a local Patient First to see if my thoughts were correct. After and hour and half we left with a prescription to treat his pink-eye. Throughout the visit Akin wanted to be held and often found himself slumping over my shoulder when he wept. He also complained of starving and being ultimately bored. Throughout the experience I could simply think of the growth over the last seven years. Now my son is a second grader, feeding and cleaning himself (although needing to be reminded to clean-up after himself), and able to have some interesting conversations. Fatherhood is great when we are alone in the world. Father and Son. I listen to Dr. Niam Akbar who shares that his children's pains are his pains, their hunger is his hunger......... I'm elated to experience the same feelings. As he cried I felt his pain, yet held a deep conviction that his pain was temporary and his future joy was inevitable. I can't lift the same amount of weight that I benched as a college student over 16 years ago, yet I can hold my son. In many ways this/his weight is the heaviest I ever faced. It's such a comforting feeling to know that I've bore the weight of a wife, continued with the weight of son, added the weight of a daughter, and I'm looking for more. I know that I'm not carrying this weight alone. I'm surrounded by friends, family, ancestors, a savior, and ultimately a creator to catch me when I fall. As I sat around a table with my parents, my in-laws, my sisters-in-law, my brother, two of my nieces (via me' brother), and my kids I heard my Mum-in-law say "God is good." I thought to my self.......Fatherhood is good. Be good yall'.

Huggies !

From Seko:

Today I spent time with my 'lady-girl' the entire day. Raising a daughter is scary. I worry every time that this 6 year old wants me to pick her up and I tell her 'no'. I'm trying to limit her baby-time as she semi-often behaviorally retreats to infant acts. As we were watching "Enchanted" she became semi-scared when the dragon appeared and jumped into my arms. Rukiya whimpered "I'm scared Daddy" although I knew she really wanted some huggie-time. Teachable moment or huggable moment.... I chose the hug. 5 minutes later I finally placed her back into her seat and caught a glimpse of the secure-smile on her face. I whispered to her "If you want a hug you don't have to act scared. Rukiya looked at me and said "I know Daddy.".......Daddy was foiled again ! I laughed on the inside, and actually out-loud during a really inappropriate point on the movie, causing everyone in the theatre to giving me their versions of the evil eye. Thinking to myself "They can kiss my heel." I kissed my daughter on the forehead. I'm thinking: Daddy is scared sometimes too. I'm scared about the Thugism that has affected the influential big brothers who are impressing an acceptable criminal mentality upon the young boys who will soon be Rukiya's suitors. I'm scared about all the soon-to-be masculinated females who are her current classmates and friends. I'm worried about the culture of Islam-hating that has developed in the USA as well as the threat of extreme-radical-Muslims. I'm worried that at some point Ms. Sunshine will appear and I'll do something to jeopardize my family over some mind-blowing sex (or at least the expectation of such). I'm scared that as a 39 year old male, I've left the best years of my life behind me and will truly never be financially stable. I'm scared that as much as I love "Yeshua (Jesus) The Christ" I'll never like going to church. I'm scared that I'll never be the father that my father was or surpass his legacy of fatherhood. I'm scared and she acts like she's scared. I guess I need that huggie as much as she wants the huggie. Huggies to you !